Keeping siblings together - Plymouth foster family provide permanent loving home for brother and sister

Just over three years ago, primary school teacher, Nicola Black*, 43, her husband James  and their three children, twins Anna* and Tony*, 14, and Harry* age 12, welcomed foster siblings, Jack* 7, and Jess* 5, into their loving family home, now they are one big happy family. Plymouth has one of the highest numbers of looked after children in the South West1, Nicola and her family are urging others to sign up to be foster carers, and provide love, support and positive futures for vulnerable children.

‘James and I had always talked about fostering,’ explained Nicola, ‘We had been to a few ‘finding out’ meetings, but then decided to have birth children first. Five years later we had the twins, Anna and Tony, and then just 22 months later, Harry came along. Life became extremely busy – three young children and both of us working fulltime. But when things calmed down a bit, we started discussing the possibility of fostering again.

‘Initially we decided on Parent and Child foster care. We wanted to make a positive impact on children's lives by supporting new parents who were struggling - mums or dads or both, helping them gain the understanding and skills needed so they could thrive together. Being new parents is difficult for everyone, but if your own parents weren’t good role models, it’s even more challenging.

‘Susan*, the first young mum came with her new-born - our kids were little then and she was like a big sister to them, they loved having her around. She stayed with us for 12 weeks, until she was more confident and sure about what she was doing. Her baby is five now – time flies!

‘Then Rachel* came to stay with her little one, she was a bit older, but our kids were very happy to have her there – especially as she used to buy them sweets and treats. She stayed with us for eight weeks and then moved in with the baby’s father. They’re doing really well - they have two kids now and are a tight family unit.

‘It’s amazing how just that short time together had such an impact on those families’ lives. If you nurture people who never experienced it while they were growing up, they learn how to pass that nurture on to their children. It just takes some support to help stop the cycle of poor-parenting being repeated by the next generation. Happier homes and happier families, it was great.

‘But, sometimes, for a whole variety of reasons, even with support this doesn’t happen. Sadly, the next young mum who came to stay, couldn’t cope and left, and we took over caring for the baby. Little Becky*, was part of our lives for nine months and we all fell in love with her. When she left us to go to her adoptive parents it was one of the most beautiful and painful experiences ever, for all of us.

‘So then, James and I decided it was time to invest our love into more long term foster care. Jack and Jess came to live with us, and will be with us permanently. It’s been a joyous, and at times challenging journey.

‘Life in our family was a big change for both of them with new experiences that opened up their world. We’ve always loved long walks along the coast or on the moors. When Jess and Jack first came to stay, they couldn’t understand why anyone would just want to walk around - for no particular reason. There would be a stream of questions – ‘Where are we going?’ ‘When will we get there?’ and we’d reply – ‘Well, we’re here already, we’re on a walk,’ and the questions would come again – ‘But where are we going? When will we be there?’

‘It didn’t take many trips out before they realised the real wonder of a walk, and now they’re off playing and exploring, picking up sticks and discovering interesting things. It’s at times like that, you realise how special simple things like a walk in the countryside are - these things we took for granted as a family were so totally new to them.

‘They have come so far in the three years they have been with us. They are really flourishing. Jack is an accomplished swimmer – I think he could be part dolphin – and to think he used to be anxious about taking a bath. He’s also super keen on Taekwondo. Jess loves dancing – ballet, tap and modern and Girls’ Brigade.

‘Sometimes people wonder what effect fostering will have on their birth children - Anna, Tony and Harry are brilliant with their foster brother and sister. Tony and Harry play football, read stories and play video games with Jess and Jack, while Anna prefers to be more girlie – playing dolls and painting Jess’ nails – very gender stereotypical, but it just seemed to happen that way. Whatever the kids are doing, everyone’s invited and included.

‘It’s not all plain sailing, there are challenging times but they are far outweighed by joy. Children are taken into care for many different reasons, but one thing is for sure - it’s never their fault. They need you to be on their side, they need your understanding, patience and empathy and above all, loads and loads of love, masses of it.’

If you would like to make a real difference to the lives of vulnerable children and young people in your local community by becoming a foster carer, visit National Fostering Group today and start your highly rewarding fostering adventure!

*Names have been changed for safeguarding reasons.

1  Children looked after rate, per 10,000 children aged under 18 in Plymouth | LG Inform (local.gov.uk)