The Essential Guide to Co-Parenting Successfully

Successful co-parenting is no easy task.

Whether you’ve had to apply for divorce, suddenly separate or move to a different home, it’s likely that you’re already under a lot of stress. Despite the pressure, it’s so important to be a consistently good role model for your children.

It’s still possible to put your children first in turbulent times. Below, we’ve covered some of the most important steps to navigate in effective co-parenting.

1. Communicate effectively

Don’t slip into bad habits that put your children under stress. While they don’t mean to, parents often turn their children into messengers, asking them to relay information to the other parent.

If you find it difficult to talk to your ex-partner, don’t get your children involved. This is your responsibility. After taking some time to cool off after an argument, try to adopt the following communication strategies:

• Say what you mean and mean what you say. Avoid sarcasm or cryptic talk, especially over text messages.
• Respond quickly to text messages about the children. Don’t leave any grey areas, especially when it comes to logistics.
• Be respectful and honest. Resolve conflict in-person wherever possible, putting your children first.

2. Make consistent plans

Don’t be the parent who cancels last-minute or never replies to messages. Remember, both of you need to set an example for your children, who will navigate their own relationships in the future.

Special occasions like your first Christmas after splitting up should be light-hearted and enjoyable. Your children won’t want to be in two places at once, so make sure you’ve sorted plans far in advance. If you and your ex can tolerate each other’s company, things will be easier for special occasions.

As for day-to-day arrangements, it’s best to create a structured routine where possible. Know your expectations and plan one-off changes far in advance. Be consistent for your child’s benefit.

3. Utilise resources, tools and support

No one expects you to know how to co-parent seamlessly, especially at the beginning. You don’t need to do this on your own, so try not to forget that there are so many avenues of support available to you.

From your phone, you can access co-parenting apps and mediation services to help facilitate smoother interactions between you and your ex. Set realistic expectations while you’re still learning, and make sure you speak to family law solicitors to know your rights.

If you need tailored, on-hand support, there are several organisations ready to help you learn how to co-parent. Meanwhile, individual counselling or therapy could be an effective route to help you feel in control.

4. Prioritise your children’s wellbeing

Through all of this, you should put your children’s feelings and long-term wellbeing first. Focusing on their needs is not only the best direction for your energy but helps to maintain a positive relationship between you.

Despite your circumstances, you’ll still be your child’s most important role models. Co-parenting involves being on the same page wherever possible and putting on a brave face for the sake of your children. It might be difficult now, but you’ll thank yourself years later for learning how to cope.