In Grief Awareness Week, sons of football legend Paul Holmes share story of loss
This Grief Awareness Week, Ben and Jake Parsons, 22-year-old twins from Newton Abbot, are opening up about the devastating loss of their stepdad, Paul Holmes, and the incredible support they received from Rowcroft Hospice during the most challenging time of their lives. Paul, a celebrated local football legend known for his time with Torquay United, passed away earlier this year at the hospice following a diagnosis of bowel cancer, leaving behind a family determined to honour his memory.
“Losing Dad is the worst thing that’s ever happened to us,” says Ben. “I often wonder how we’re going to get through without him. But I’ve realised that I’ve just got to get on with life, and try and carry on as normally as possible.”
The twins are full of praise for the exceptional care Paul received from Rowcroft Hospice. Initially supported at home by the hospice’s Community Team, Paul later spent his final weeks in Rowcroft’s specialist Inpatient Unit in Torquay.
“There’s no price you can put on the care we received,” said Jake. “Rowcroft didn’t just care for Dad; they cared for us as a family. They made us feel at ease and supported us through every step. We don't know what we would have done without them.”
As the brothers navigate their first milestones without their father, including the forthcoming Christmas and new year, they reflect on their grief and the importance of talking about feelings of loss.
“The first milestones without Dad will always be the hardest,” said Jake. “This Christmas will be no exception. It’s never going to be easy, but it’s about how we deal with it mentally. This Christmas, we’ll all be getting together as a family as usual. It’s going to be tough with Dad missing, but we’ll be sure to keep his memory alive.”
“For us, the key has been talking about it - being open and honest about how we feel,” said Ben. “We’re lucky that we’re really close as a family, and we’ve got lots of friends who are there for us too.
“Men often struggle to confront their grief, but I’ve realised that half the battle is talking about it. It’s so important to speak up. We’ve been lucky to have each other to lean on, and that’s helped us keep going. It’s not good to sit there and dwell on things alone.
“Hiding your feelings is the worst thing you can do. It’s so important to let people know how you're feeling; otherwise you can't always get help. As men we sometimes feel judged or weak for opening up, but nine times out of ten, people are happy to help. That’s a lesson I’ve learned.”
In the six months since Paul’s passing, Ben, Jake and the rest of the family have channelled their grief into action through a range of fundraising initiatives, raising an impressive £13,000 for Rowcroft.
“We needed a way to give back,” said Jake. “Dad was so grateful for the care he received from the hospice and he wanted to do some fundraising. He was so driven – but sadly ran out of time. So we’re stepping up on his behalf to give something back. Rowcroft helped us so much, and we want them to be able to help other families in our situation.”
To honour their dad and support the hospice, Ben and Jake are taking part in The Big Tackle on Saturday 15 March 2025. This flagship fundraising event involves an eight-mile walk around Torquay, starting and finishing at Torquay Rugby Club, with participants walking in memory of their loved ones while raising vital funds for the hospice.
“Taking part in The Big Tackle will be a way of celebrating Dad’s life while ensuring other families receive the care we did,” said Jake.
Every pound raised through events like The Big Tackle supports Rowcroft in providing care to more than 2,500 patients and their loved ones annually across South Devon. The hospice is currently facing significant financial challenges, including rising costs, reduced charitable giving, and limited government funding, all amid an increasing demand for end- of-life care.
To participate in The Big Tackle or for more information, visit thebigtackle.org.uk.
